Stonewashed jeans are sweet. The method used to make basic blue jeans is quite a mystery. Cotton thread is dyed blue and woven together by Leopardkeets – supernatural flying animals that are half parakeet half leopard. Stone-washed jeans are even more mysterious then regular jeans. To make stone-washed jeans one must fill a large industrial washer with a combination of jeans and small stone-faced children. When the dryer is turned on the children pound the jeans until soft and weathered.
What? This is wrong? Maybe I should do some research, because I like stonewashed jeans so much, below is the real story as to how stone-washed jeans are made.
Start by getting some jeans. Jeans, for those that don’t know, are pants or trousers made of denim. As a point of clarification, Jeans are also called “dungarees” by people who smell like soup and watch Matlock. Denim is a rugged cotton twill textile, in which the weft passes under two or more warp threads. This weaving produces the diagonal ribbing identifiable on the reverse of the fabric. The ribbing distinguishes denim from cotton duck. Quack? Jeans are usually blue because denim itself is usually blue, but stone-washed jeans can be any color at all. Stone-washed jeans could be black or red or white or canary or periwinkle.
Best I can tell, jeans are as American as going to war for oil. But the cheapest jeans are made in Indonesia and Thailand so save yourself some money and buy your jeans in bulk from the poverty-stricken Asian country of your choice. You might find more info on buying jeans online.
After you get your jeans, they must be washed with stones. Duh. The hard part is finding and purchasing a big dryer with a cylindrical drum inside in which you can place the jeans and the stones. This industrial stone-washing dryer will set you back about $10,000 bucks. Gotta spend money to make money. Now that you have a large industrial dryer to put the jeans and stones into, you then must get the stones. You can use pretty much any igneous or volcanic rock you want. Some people use pumice. I prefer to use fossilized sequoia trees.
Power on the dryer after you put the jeans and the stones directly inside. As the cylinder inside the dryer spins, the tumbling stones ride up the paddles inside the drum and fall back down onto the jean fabric. The denim becomes quite distressed.
Now you have produced your own homemade Stonewashed jeans and you’re ready for that Bret Michaels concert.
Get the best tips on how to make your own Stonewashed Jeans like those worn by the cast of Stonewashed Movie!